


far from science

by ammydos



Category: Portal (Video Game)
Genre: Human GLaDOS, Multi, Mutual Pining, Slow Burn, implied caveline, portal 2 canon compliant, up until chapter 6 (the fall)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-01
Updated: 2020-05-21
Packaged: 2021-02-26 04:35:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 12,986
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21627709
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ammydos/pseuds/ammydos
Summary: "it was the strangest feeling, holding another human being’s body that close to her after so many years. she hadn’t remembered what contact had felt like. the sight of a chest rising and falling that wasn’t her own had slipped her mind" (instead of a potato battery, wheatley accidentally puts glados back into her former body)
Relationships: Caroline/Chell (Portal), Chell/GLaDOS
Comments: 37
Kudos: 261





	1. Chapter 1

For a while, the woman is silent. 

Chell imagines she must feel completely overwhelmed given the circumstances, as she finds herself still reeling from Wheatley’s sudden betrayal. And the air down here feels wet and hot and smothering, they’re completely lost and have been for longer than she cares to think about. So there’s that, or she could just be angry. Which would also make a decent amount of sense. 

Chell is furious, herself. The only thing keeping the blind rage at bay is the paralyzing fear that she may never make it out of the facility alive, at this rate. Wheatley had told her, he had promised her that they would work together. She has such a distant, faded memory of loyalty that made it so easy to just listen to him, follow him dumbly around the overgrown halls of Aperture that she used to know so well. And when she thinks about his laughter that boomed out of the chassis, the pure fascination with power that dissolved into drunken hunger, she thinks she might be grieving something. A friendship lost. The last ounce of hope she had allowed herself, crushed into rubble. 

And he had wanted to kill her. That’s what she assumes, at least. There’s no conceivable way he could have expected her to survive a fall like that, especially with the added weight of another person. She wonders how deep a robot’s conscious can go. If they can feel any grief or regret. Maybe he’s already erased her from his mind. Gotta save room for all the secrets of the universe. No time to make friends. 

She doesn’t know how many hours have passed since they’ve been above ground. Maybe it’s been longer. It’s hard to tell when the lights are so dim, when there’s nothing to eat or to drink. Chell already misses her coveted cans of expired beans as her stomach growls painfully. She’s even started to long for the stiff, bleached sheets over top the bed in her suspension room. Her first experiences in Aperture seem like a luxury compared to this. A searing turret bullet to the back of the calf would almost be preferable to wandering aimlessly in the equivalent of a muggy, rubble-filled swamp. 

The woman beside her coughs weakly, shutting her eyes. She stops for a moment, throwing a hand out to her side to steady herself against a large chunk of shrapnel. Chell finds herself angry, terrified that they’ll lose time. Wheatley could gas this whole part of the facility with neurotoxin, he could blow it up with a nuclear bomb, he -- well. There’s a chance he has no idea that it exists, either. Sure, he has power now, but the stupidity seems to be hanging around as well. Either way, Chell sighs audibly and taps her foot against the ground. The woman glances up at her through a curtain of thick hair, looking like a wounded animal.

They eye each other. 

Then she rights herself up and starts to move again, dragging her feet. 

When they were falling through the elevator shaft, Chell had no choice but to grab her and tuck her against her chest. She was light and unnervingly limp, head lolling back, and it was the strangest feeling, holding another human being’s body that close to her after so many years. She hadn’t remembered what contact had felt like. The sight of a chest rising and falling that wasn’t her own had slipped her mind. It had always been her, alone. There was a constant unconscious need to be selfish, because if she was thinking about anything other than keeping herself alive, she would be on the ground with a bullet through her brain, or drowning in a pool of liquid chemicals. As they landed together on the hard ground, the shock that reverberated through her boots was more profound and jolting than she had ever felt alone. It had felt like the start of something new. 

The first few hours of wandering through piles of flaming rubble, she could barely keep herself conscious, and Chell had to support her with an arm around her waist. Her eyes were unfocused and had a glazed look to them, her limbs would tremble from the simple task of holding herself up. She was pathetic. Almost laughable. And in any other situation, Chell would have laughed, but she figured she probably looked just as exhausted herself, so she kept her face stoic, and her own body steady. 

They’ve appeared to have found some semblance of direction now. They walk beneath massive, concrete structures, suspended in the air, intertwined and marked up with yellow paint. Chell tips her head up to get a better view, walking backward. They’re in front of a smaller building with the words, "condemned testing area", and it should increase the feeling of apprehension in Chell’s stomach, but she feels the urge to push forward when she sees the message. She portals herself and the woman up to a high walkway, drops back down to the ground from the other side, and sets to work following a pipeline through more heaps of wreckage. The light gets dimmer and the space even more vast, until whatever internal mantra that was keeping her going settles into crushing silence.

There’s a lever. Right in front of her, the handle rusted tight to its control panel, just waiting to be switched downwards, no doubt to present her with some kind of twisted puzzle to solve. The woman watches Chell carefully, glances at the lever and then back up to her, but careful to not appear too interested. 

This is what her life has become, then. She is so goddamn desperate for compassion, absolutely starving for it, that she will trust a robot that is most likely rooted in some way to the AI that tried to kill her in the very beginning. She will ignore every tiny sign of its betrayal, instead daydream about fresh air and deer and fields of corn. She will assist in the awakening of the AI, succumb to its sick urge to test her, and eventually find herself literally spiraling out of control down an elevator shaft, and becoming more lost than she’s ever been before. 

Chell pulls the lever. Yanks it down with the most force that she can muster, shattering the rust around it and urging herself forward, down two steps, back onto the ground, where a massive, vault-like door is suddenly illuminated in front of her. 

There are two small control booths, lifting against the walls on either side of the chamber, marked one and two. Chell secures the woman to her side and they portal upwards to number one, and that is officially the last she can do for the time being. She all but collapses against the wall, letting out a deep sigh, and begins to loosen the straps to her boots. Her portal gun is tossed to the middle of the floor, her tank top straps are pushed down off her shoulders from where they’ve left ugly marks in her skin. 

Chell looks towards the woman. Her expression is the same as it has been, a confusing mix of exhaustion, shame, and burning hatred. She watches Chell massage her calves, take her ponytail down and run a hand through her greasy hair. Chell motions for her to sit. She feels like she’s being examined, like the woman is storing all these observations in some corner of her brain that she can use to her advantage later. But she does sit, after another moment of staring. Turns her back to Chell, relaxes her shoulders in what seems like spite. Whatever it takes, she supposes. They’ll both be better off with some rest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this idea has been sitting in my brain for *so* long, i figured i might as well start it! i know there's no real logic behind the plot, but it's portal, does it have to make sense? stay tuned for updates :)


	2. Chapter 2

She dreams of Wheatley, because, from the beginning, sleep has never truly been an escape from reality, just a hazy rehashing of whatever is at the front of her brain.

Initially, Chell was wary to trust him. She had the sinking feeling that he was trying to confuse her, get her lost, and that she’d suddenly find herself descending towards a flaming death like She had tried to get away with so many years before. But he hadn’t ever lied. And when they walked together, his little body would rotate around to make sure she was following him, and it made her chest ache just a little bit. As much as she hates to admit it to herself, the warm blue of his optic blinking slowly at her felt like a lifeline that he was throwing out. He seemed capable of it sometimes, saving her.

Chell had even entertained the idea of bringing him with her to the surface. Getting them both the hell out of Aperture. Once, when they rested together in an abandoned, unmoving elevator, he had let her cradle him, curl her body around the warmth of his core. It was freezing cold, and she never would have reached for him otherwise. She remembers him saying it felt _strange_. But he never told her to let go.

That just makes her _miss_ him. In her dream, they are running from something, she is holding onto him but he keeps getting heavier and heavier, weighing her down, making her slow. Chell is panicking, trying so hard to balance him in her arms. And he’s laughing, that same evil, distorted laugh that made her sick and terrified and so completely regretful that she ever put her trust in someone that she didn’t know.

It’s a back and forth of her own anger, really. Chell cannot fully decide who she hates more, Wheatley or herself. For some reason, GLaDOS is out of the equation.

Chell wakes up with a start. Her arms ache like she really was carrying something heavy, and she is reminded of the woman beside her. Chell turns her head against the wall, watching her sleep, eyelashes fluttering against her cheeks and chest stuttering unevenly. She breathes like she doesn’t fully remember how to, like she’s trying to learn again. Chell wonders if she’ll die.

She had been standing inside the elevator, paralyzed with fear, as the front section of GLaDOS’s optic cracked open like an egg, the woman’s limp body falling out onto the chamber floor in a faded orange jumpsuit. Wheatley’s desperate attempts to maintain the steely demeanor of a new leader faltered as the woman had gasped, sounding like she was coming up from a deep body of water. She lost consciousness again seconds after, and Wheatley had dropped her inside of the elevator with Chell. She still has bits of broken glass in her hair.

She is not an android. Everything about her is completely human, completely real. But it’s strange, because Chell cannot tell if she is old or young. Her face looks like it has been preserved and polished, like any blemishes have been erased. She is beautiful in an eerie way.

Chell forces herself to stand. Her legs burn from what she can guess is the sheer magnitude of her fall. She knows her boots and how much they can withstand, but that landing down the elevator shaft was enough to test their limits. She leaves them off as she pads around the tiny control booth, hands hovering over the manual override button. Chell knows what to do, press them both within a number of seconds, just like any other test that she’s painfully familiar with. She could just do it right now, navigate through the vault, find her way back up to Wheatley, decide somehow if she wants to kill him or try to reason with him.

But before she can press the buttons and make her escape, become the selfish, abandoning monster that GLaDOS always told her she was, the woman behind her stirs, and Chell whips around to watch her eyes flicker open and take in her surroundings.

“So,” her voice is quiet, lacking malice, but has a lilt that Chell is all too familiar with. “How are you holding up? Because I--” she looks down at her hands, shakes her head. “I have no idea what he did to me.”

Chell looks at her carefully. She doesn’t seem scared like the way she looked before, just disoriented, maybe residually angry.

“Still the silent treatment? Even now? Come on, there’s got to be _something_ you can say,” She shifts, sits up a little straighter. Chell stares blankly. “No comments about your new best friend, you know, suddenly betraying you? Sending you to your death?” The woman searches her eyes, annoyance settling over her face. “Fine. It’s a shame, I was really hoping we could make some sort of connection down here. Maybe resolve our differences, discuss your motives for brutally murdering me, _twice now_ , and destroying my facility.” Her arms cross over her chest and she sits back against the wall.

So it is her. GLaDOS inside of some woman’s body. And now she seems to have enough energy to start hurling insults again. Wheatley had been frantically mumbling about a potato battery, a children’s science experiment, that he had meant to put her inside of, he _just hadn’t gotten the hang of the control system yet_. Maybe that would have been a better idea. Chell could’ve just fed her to some birds.

“You know,” GLaDOS stands, a hand pressed against the wall to steady herself. “I always felt the security cameras had placed a sort of boundary between us, before. Testing is much more interesting as a face-to-face interaction. Now I can _actually_ monitor you as you rescue us. Won’t this be _fun_?”

 _Who said I’m rescuing the both of us?_ Chell wants to tell her, but reaches for her boots instead, starts pulling them on in silence. GLaDOS’s smile fades.

“I guess it’s worth asking, since I’ve done so much for you in the past -- it doesn’t seem completely fair for you to take the boots _and_ the gun, wouldn’t you say? I did give them to you in the first place.”

Chell turns and scowls at her, snatches the portal gun from the ground. She shoots an orange portal at the far wall inside of the second control booth, and a blue portal behind GLaDOS, who jumps a little at the sound.

“Fine. Don’t try to prove to me that you’re any less than selfish. What’s the use of that anyway? I already think the worst of you.” The combination of her icy words and her weak voice is incredibly strange. She seems uncomfortable without the safety of her old body, there’s nothing to hide behind anymore.

Chell steps through her portal and motions for GLaDOS to press the override button next to her, which she does with a scowl.

“Oh, I see. I get to be your assistant. What an _honor_.”

The second button is pushed down and before GLaDOS can add in another annoyed comment, an alarm sounds, the noise booming through the open chamber. Chell winces and covers her ears until it stops, the vault fully lifted, revealing a small door. The two women glance at each other and then hurry out of the control booth and down to the floor of the chamber.

Chell hesitates at the door. It could lead to a way out and back to Wheatley, or it could just bring her further into the depths of the facility.

“Well, what are you waiting for?” GLaDOS stands at her side, narrowing her eyebrows. “You’ve already done so much damage, it really can’t get much worse by going through this door. Besides, I think I can try to navigate us through. I’m starting to remember where we are.”

She wonders how that’s possible. There must have been decades of memories stored inside of GLaDOS’s mainframe, how can they still be with her after the transfer? Plus, Chell has no idea if she can trust her. It would be stupid to put her faith into yet another robot.

But then again, she’s not a robot anymore.

Chell pushes open the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi! thanks so much for the feedback so far! i'm fully rekindling my love for portal while i'm writing this, i'm deep into my replay of portal 2 (fyi, both games are on steam for like $1.50 right now!) so i can describe the setting better in my writing. i'm going to aim for weekly updates, but i'm in the middle of finals season so bear with me after this chapter. hope you enjoyed and see you soon :)  
> *also! i have never written a series on ao3 before so i am so sorry if the formatting is really terrible, i'm trying to get my italics and indentations to save but they haven't been so i'll try to get the hang of that soon!*


	3. Chapter 3

Ahead of them is a long hallway, the floors and walls sunken in with water damage. Their footsteps squish on the ground, and Chell hurries to the end of the hall to push open the second metal door, one hand gripping the end of her portal gun tightly. What they are met with once it creaks open before them takes Chell’s breath away momentarily.

A vast, sweeping chamber, completely flooded with water. Chell looks up to the ceiling, but the room doesn’t seem to end, a dense fog collecting near what she thinks could be the top. Large metal structures have been torn down and lay collapsed in the water, which a nearby poster board identifies as “dangerous!” GLaDOS shows no sign of recognition, but she appears stunned into silence and steps carefully along the metal walkway that guides them further through the chamber. Chell lets her get ahead for a few paces, her neck still craned to map out the space. It doesn’t seem like there are very many options besides following the catwalk. 

Eventually, they come to a large, steel door that looks like it has been forcibly pried open, splitting the concrete of the wall. Chell carefully aims a blue portal inside the gap, and an orange to her right. GLaDOS gingerly steps through first, not waiting for her. She walks like she’s being ushered forward by something Chell cannot see. But she continues to follow instead of lead her, not wanting to do anything to make her angry or mention Wheatley again. She’s already in a bad position, still looking fairly exhausted. The best possible option seems to be leaving her alone as much as she possibly can.

They’re in another hallway. Chell huffs, a little frustratedly. Everything about this place seems like it’s hiding something. The sheer and unnecessary amount of entrances is enough to make her decently suspicious. It looks like it was designed specifically to be boarded up at any given notice, to lead someone away. She follows GLaDOS through a second door. 

And then, looking ahead, she thinks, _oh. Of course._

A massive logo suspended from the ceiling that reads, _Aperture Science Innovators_ towers before them. And as they work their way up to the front of the space, it is like an invisible wire has been crossed, and suddenly a man’s voice booms through the chamber. 

_Welcome, gentlemen to Aperture Science!_

He speaks confidently, introduces himself as Cave Johnson, CEO of the company. Chell stands, practically transfixed by the sheer conviction he speaks with, and listens to the duration of his message. He’s welcoming test subjects. Astronauts, war heroes, Olympians. A loud and hopeful song plays over his voice. Chell suddenly imagines the space in its prime. Devoid of the wreckage and dirt and vines snaking up the walls. A crowd of strong, ambitious men stepping forward, standing where she is. It’s not hard to picture at all. 

A woman’s voice chimes in on the recording. Sweet, agreeable, and equally confident. Cave calls her Caroline, says that she’s _the backbone of the facility. Married to science._ What a statement. 

GLaDOS stands a little ahead of her still. She stares up at the logo, then to the right where what looks like a small office sits. The catwalks are ripped down, and once Cave is finished speaking, Chell shoots a portal at the far wall where she can see a wire beam sitting. She figures she can gain enough momentum to land near the office that GLaDOS is fixated on if she jumps to the ground below and angles herself just right. Chell walks forward, figuring GLaDOS will follow her. She doesn’t. Her arms are wrapped tightly around her middle like she’s trying to hold herself together. Her body trembles faintly like it did before, and Chell wonders if she’s getting weaker again, what could have caused it. 

It hits her, after a moment.

For the second time, she finds herself thinking, _of course._ It’s the same eager voice from the recording. Even though her tone was smothered with malice back inside the control booth where they rested, there is no mistaking it. Chell looks at her again, closer. Caroline, the backbone of Aperture, and she has pretty brown eyes and a growing flush over her cheeks and she looks like she may scream or cry or pass out on the concrete beneath her. 

It’s incredible, how well the chassis has preserved her body. Chell has relatively no idea how the technology works, but her face fits her voice. She looks older, sure, but Chell can see the ghost of an eager assistant if she squints. After the initial fascination, though, the real question dawns on her, and everything starts to sink in. She lowers her portal gun, steps back from the task at hand. How could the “lovely Caroline” have become such a monster? So dead set on murder and revenge, everything she says so full of rage and spite? 

What happened to her? _Who_ happened to her?

Chell touches her shoulder, somehow less afraid of her words. The recording gave her practically nothing to work with, but now there’s vulnerability, there’s a secret uncovered that never would have been brought to light if they were not down here together. 

Caroline looks at her. She sighs, deeply, eyes shifting downwards. The flush in her cheeks has calmed slightly, and whatever expression that had painted her face moments before is gone. 

“Well,” she says, and her voice is softer. “Now I can say for sure that I completely know where we are.” 

They move together, after that. Chell grabs her arm once they are atop the beam, steadying her so she doesn’t fall through one of the gaps. Then they both stare at each other because if it were her alone, Chell would jump through the blue portal that she has on the ground and sail cleanly through the air onto the cement foundation where the building is. But Caroline is not wearing boots, and then Chell remembers how close she had held her in the elevator shaft and how she could practically hear her heart thudding in her ears. 

“Okay, so this isn’t ideal,” Caroline glances around like she’s trying to find something to help her. Obviously, there’s nothing. “Well, you’re strong, right? And I’m assuming you didn’t drag me through the dirt to get us through here before,” Chell nods. “I have an idea once we get over there, but just pick me up for now and we’ll both pretend like it’s not uncomfortable.” So she scoops her up, rather ungracefully, and she hears her heart beating and beating again. Caroline brushes her hair over one shoulder so it doesn’t blind Chell’s view, and then she plunges off of the beam, not knowing which thing she should cling tighter to, her gun or the woman that could possibly get her out of here. 

But she manages to keep a good hold on both, and they land solidly on the other end of the chamber. Caroline quickly clambers out of Chell’s arms and tentatively walks forward through the door. Again, she acts like something is pulling her, but at the same time, she seems a little reluctant. 

_There's a thousand tests performed every day here in our enrichment spheres -_

Another recording starts as they walk into what looks like a lobby. Caroline bristles at the sound, glancing down at the floor, looking increasingly anxious. But before she can try to usher them on, something catches Chell’s eye. To the left, there’s a display case, with various awards and certificates placed behind faded glass. S _hower Curtain Salesman of 1943, Local Entrepreneur Buys Salt Mine, Best New Science Company…_ It seems like a rapid escalation to success. Chell squints, tries to read as many of the articles as she can, but the lettering is worn and hard to make out, and she turns back to the lobby. The recording has stopped, and Caroline looks relieved. She glances around the room with a distant expression, looking at the dust-covered couches and the tacky wallpaper. Then she starts walking again. Chell follows, and they come to the end of another catwalk. Luckily, it’s much less of a distance to the other side, and they jump down separately to an elevator shaft. 

Cave starts talking again, his voice echoing even louder as they enter the elevator. He’s saying something about Mantis Men and Repulsion Gel, and Caroline tenses her shoulders, hugs her arms around herself like she was doing before. Chell wishes there was a way to turn the recordings off, but she figures it’s too unrealistic to ever hope for a testing experience that’s completely silent. And Caroline is responsible for their escape now, and she’s visibly uncomfortable, which makes Chell worry that she’ll be distracted throughout their journey. 

Surprisingly, the elevator still works, and once they reach the top, Caroline has composed herself once again and starts circling the tower. She points to a far ledge with two metal doors, and Chell follows her eyes. 

“If you can put a portal there, at the top where it slants a little, we can get to the Repulsion Gel room. Which, well, you’ll understand what it is once we get inside,” she walks to the other end of the catwalk, looking down the empty elevator shaft. “This is our best bet to gain enough speed to get us across. And,” she blushes, barely noticeable. “You’ll have to hang onto me again. I’m certain there’s a prototype pair of your boots somewhere, but they must be deeper into the facility. I promise you won’t have to do this the whole time we’re here.” 

Chell finds herself not really minding. It’s funny how much Caroline’s demeanor has changed since they’ve gotten to this point. The angry creases in her face are gone. She’s calm and quiet and doesn’t look like she’s thinking of any scathing insults to try to save her dignity with. It’s a nice change. Strange, though. 

She listens to the advice, scooping Caroline into her arms again and shooting her portals with extra precision. In seconds, they are landing on another catwalk across from a door with the words _Alpha Station_ painted in blue and white above it. Caroline stops Chell before she can enter, placing a hand in the middle of her chest. They both glance down at it, but she doesn’t move. 

“Listen, I know you like to do things your own way, and I’m sure you’ve had quite enough of me by now, but I really think I can get us out of here and back up to Wheatley,” she breaks eye contact and gazes at the vastness of the chamber around them. “It’s not going to be easy for me, for reasons I don’t think I can tell you right now. But if we work together we can do it. And,” Caroline looks back at her, her eyes sparkling and the hint of a smile at the corner of her mouth. “Obviously you have no real reason to trust me, I get that. The best thing I can offer you is my word. I want my facility back, and you want to leave for good, so if we make it in one piece, you’re free to go. Deal?” 

The last thing Chell would ever expect to hear from her is a promise. But, when she considers it, she believes that she’s telling the truth. And she’s _fascinated_ , too. By this woman that stands before her, and because, for some strange reason, Chell feels like she knows this place too. The few hundred years in suspension have put a dense fog over her memory so she cannot be sure. But there’s something about it that feels strangely familiar, the deeper she goes. So Chell finds herself nodding, smiling even, just a little. She is exhausted and angry and deeply confused, but for once, she feels like her and this woman have the same idea in mind. Caroline puts out her hand, and Chell grasps it, shaking firmly. _Deal._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really like this chapter!! The plot is pretty much established now too so I can get into the fun stuff :) hope you enjoyed, leave a review or kudos if you want!


	4. Chapter 4

Repulsion Gel takes a few attempts for Chell to get used to. Up until now, she has prided herself on her agility, her resilience. It never took her long to solve GLaDOS’s tests, since, after a while, she started to catch on to her methods and designs. Line of turrets to the left, cube dispenser near the exit, blue portal here and orange portal there… It was a system that her brain just became accustomed to. She never thought it would be something she would miss, though. 

After navigating through the inner workings of the facility and stumbling through the first test chamber, Chell feels decently frustrated and her arms are significantly more sore than they’ve been in a long time from carrying Caroline like her bride. She gingerly lowers herself onto a metal staircase outside of the second test chamber and takes a few breaths. She feels the stairs rattle as Caroline sits down above her. 

The version of Aperture that they fell from is far from comforting, but Chell thinks that she prefers it to this. There’s a strange and heavy feeling that has settled itself in her chest, and the deeper they go, the stronger it gets. Watching Caroline shut her eyes and curl in on herself every time Cave Johnson’s messages play is still distracting as well. She reacts like she’s in physical pain, like she’s trying to will something away but cannot. Chell finds herself wanting to feel bad for her but simultaneously attempting to remain impartial. She cannot trust as easily as she trusted Wheatley. Though she is smaller and softer spoken, Chell knows that the part of Caroline that had wanted to kill her is not completely gone. Just muffled, maybe. Sure, they’ve made a deal, but what comes after that? Chell would be far from surprised if, after regaining control of the facility, Caroline resorted back to her homicidal tendencies. She doesn’t know if she can handle another slow rise of the elevator and the crushing plunge back to the ground that followed.

Needless to say, she hasn’t experienced a dilemma like this before. Chell considers herself a neutral person. She stays out of trouble, does what she is told. It’s just easier that way. She was never one to fight the system, at least until the system started trying to fight her. But even after that, she just fulfilled whatever tasks were put in front of her. When Wheatley said to follow him, she followed him. If GLaDOS had pulled her back into another round of testing in the middle of their escape, she might have just conceded and fallen back into place. The idea of true freedom seems too large and impossible to comprehend. Sure, it is the ideal alternative, but what would she  _ do  _ with herself? She hasn’t spoken actual words for as long as she can remember, she knows virtually nothing about her past, and all of her skills are in the vein of basic and instinctual survival. So there’s a part of her that wants to stay, as terrifying as it is to admit it. It makes more sense than trying to build a new life for herself out of pieces that she would just be grasping at. 

Caroline clears her throat and Chell jumps, not realizing that she had put her head down while she was thinking. She turns and Caroline looks at her, eyes wide. 

“Sorry to interrupt,” she starts. “But we should probably keep moving. I can try to guide you through this next chamber if you think it would help.” She looks like she has been deep in thought as well. Her hair is tousled and her hands twist nervously in her lap. Chell gives her a long look, not really wanting to concede this early. But in the interest of saving as much time as possible, she nods and stands. 

_ For this next test, we put nanoparticles in the gel.  _

_ “God,” _ Caroline growls as they cross the line into the next test. Another voice recording is triggered, and Cave rambles on into a spiel about RNA and tumors that sounds mildly concerning. She runs her hands up and down her arms uncomfortably. “I  _ should  _ expect these,” she speaks over him as she surveys the test chamber. “He loved to hear himself talk,” Chell turns to her, surprised. This is the first time she’s actually said anything about him. “It was beyond stressful because most of the things that came out of his mouth were lawsuits waiting to happen,” she rolls her eyes and then seems to snap out of the memory as the recording fades to silence. “Um, anyway, you’ll need to get the cube using that platform to your left. It should open up a panel for you over there,” she points, her arm brushing over Chell’s shoulder, who shivers at the contact. “Then we can jump down onto the gel and the momentum should push us into the next phase of the test.” 

It takes a moment for Chell to break into action, and as she is retrieving the cube, she wonders what to make of Caroline’s words. From the first recording, she had assumed Cave was at least a little arrogant based on the tone of his voice, but it’s still interesting to hear Caroline confirm it, and she wonders how much more she’ll end up revealing. Chell supposes that also ensures that he’ll be talking over the rest of the tests, which is unfortunate, to say the least.

The older cubes are much heavier than the ones she’s used to handling, and the magnetic field in the portal gun won’t attach to them, so she has to grab and carry them herself. As she lugs the cube to the button, her legs buckle suddenly from the weight, and she hits the floor, sliding ungracefully across the Repulsion Gel. It throws her onto an empty platform and she lies there, the wind completely knocked out of her chest. 

“Oh my God, are you okay?” She hears Caroline call from the entrance. Chell keeps her head pressed against the floor until she can take a full breath. Embarrassment floods through her, a feeling she is hardly familiar with. She’s lost her footing plenty of times in other test chambers, exhaustion or fear consuming her and clouding her mind. But it was rare that GLaDOS would react, maybe the occasional offhand comment about her weight throwing her off-balance, though, if it did happen, Chell never found herself dwelling on it. But the deep concern in Caroline’s voice makes her wish she was invisible, if only for a few minutes. She turns to give her some kind of signal that she’s alive, trying not to look like she’s in too much pain, even though her chest feels like it’s on fire. She’s taken a few careful steps away from the emancipation grill and looks anxiously at Chell. “You know, I can put a little more effort into helping you, if you want. I figured it’d be better if I stayed out of your way, but if you need me to carry that…” she trails off as Chell stands and lifts the cube again, shaking her head roughly. “Fair enough.” Caroline crosses her arms over her chest and resumes her position at the entrance. 

Chell can accept a guide through the facility, but  _ actually  _ working with Caroline seems a little too much for her, at least right now. She knows herself well enough to recognize the stubbornness, but it’s hard not to become so self-reliant when she’s always alone. Caroline doesn’t seem too angry about it though, which she’s grateful for. It’ll just take some adjusting to, then maybe she’ll let her touch the portal gun. 

They make it out of the second chamber without any more injuries and Chell manages to salvage some of her pride when she figures out the next phase without any word from Caroline. Another message from Cave crackles to life as they stand in the elevator, and he says something about Repulsion Gel “not liking the human skeleton.” Chell glances down at her jumpsuit, which is thoroughly covered in it, and then looks slowly up at Caroline. 

“Oh, that’s true,” she says thoughtfully. “I’m sure the toxicity has worn off by now, it's been so many years. We only had three reported casualties anyway, nothing too serious,” Caroline has a far off expression and Chell watches her warily. She sounds like she’s reporting something, and seems to catch herself before she goes on, blinking rapidly. “Sorry. I don’t even know how I remember that.” 

They move on. Chell decides that it’s best not to push her to keep talking. If her memories are coming back this fast, she’ll probably have more to say soon enough. 

More Repulsion Gel. More voice recordings. More worrying silence from Caroline. She seems like she’s trying to keep herself quiet now, and hardly speaks beyond simple directions to guide Chell through the tests. She has an even, guarded expression over her face that she tries to maintain, but Chell pretends not to notice it falter every so often. 

The boots are nowhere in sight, either. Caroline seems to have forgotten about them for the time being. They take a particularly high jump off a catwalk where Chell has placed Repulsion Gel at the bottom of the drop, and Caroline gasps sharply as they hit it and are thrown into the air. Her hands curl around Chell’s shoulders and she presses her face into her neck. Chell almost plunges them into the water out of shock. Her breath on her bare skin and the way she trembles steadily sends chills down her back. There’s something about this woman being completely at her mercy that makes Chell feel overwhelmed. She thinks she is starting to realize what is happening, but pushes it away. They  _ have _ to get back to Wheatley. Then maybe they can address why Caroline lingered after they landed, kept one hand on the back of Chell’s neck as she set her down. 

The two of them push their way through the rest of the Repulsion Gel tests until an elevator takes them to another lobby where Cave begins to congratulate them on their “glorious contribution to science.” Chell is already mapping out the area and shoots one portal at an empty wall, then walks back towards the elevator and looks for any open space beyond the catwalk. The voice recording continues, feedback crackling, filling the empty facility with sound. Chell is tuning it out like she’s started to do, her mind working steadily until a woman’s voice comes through. 

_ Goodbye Caroline!  _

There’s a smile in her tone, Chell can tell. It’s strange to picture her with a look on her face that’s not angry or wounded. She glances over to Caroline who is standing across from her, and watches as her face slowly pales. She doesn’t seem to cope well with hearing her own voice.

“What?” She asks Chell, and the icy tone has returned. “There’s nothing for me to say. Let’s just move on.” 

Chell lowers her gaze.  _ Sorry.  _ Maybe she looked too interested. It’s hard not to be. The fondness in Cave’s voice when he addressed her was unmistakable. Chell wonders if Caroline always supervised him while he recorded the messages, how much time they really spent together. She remembers what Caroline said earlier --  _ it’s not going to be easy for me.  _

As they step through a portal together to the Beta section of the facility, Chell is left just as confused as before. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi again and sorry for the delay!! i'm going to try to get another chapter up early next week that's a little longer, but i hope you enjoy this one and thanks so much for the feedback on chapter 3! <3


	5. Chapter 5

Funnily enough, the only thing Caroline can think about is tying her hair back.

The pangs of hunger, the excruciating ache of her muscles as she lugs her prison of a body through the skeleton of her old life, and the deep and horrible emptiness that fills her chest, none of it compares to the sheer, building fury that envelops her each time a strand of hair whips into her face. She has long since forgotten the tiny inconveniences of being human. There are so many subtle factors that she has put out of her mind, that her artificial consciousness had suppressed because it had no need to know them.

Anger, though, is something wildly familiar. It has always been there, nestled in the corner of her brain or coursing through the heavy wires of the chassis. And now, among the rot and wreckage, with no turrets or neurotoxin or biting words, she tries desperately to find a home in her rage. It feels like it is all she has left. But there is so much to be furious about that it overwhelms her, makes her fall back on the soft voice, the hunching of her shoulders to make herself smaller. Those mannerisms seem wildly familiar to her, so much so that it is almost instinctual.

As she walks, Caroline feels like she is being ripped in and out of a deep sleep. She tries to remind herself about the vast complications of the human mind. The way the brain works is far from simple, it represses trauma as a way of self-defense. But the more exhausted she becomes, the harder it is to protect herself. Every time she has spoken aloud, she has never been completely sure of what she’s said. She vaguely recalls agreeing to work with Chell to get them both out of the basement. And — _Wheatley_. He’s miles and miles above them, doing God knows what to _her facility._ It makes her sick to her stomach, thinking of him in control — ruining everything that is rightfully hers. The way he has thrown her into this corpse where she is forced to walk through these halls again and listen to _his voice._ She thinks of a million things she would prefer to this. Hearing him speak, speak to _her_ , a much younger, naive version of herself, it is like torture. So many years of obedience and discretion, of his hands on her shoulders, her waist. Them reassuring each other that _everything is fine, we will find a way out of this, it isn’t the end, it can’t be the end —_

Chell places a hand on her shoulder.

Caroline’s mind clears almost immediately as she is wholly consumed with the weight of her touch. She turns her head to look at her, hoping that her face reveals nothing that she is suddenly feeling, that Chell cannot tell how hard her heart has started to beat. This must be the biggest mystery of all — how fragile she has become.

They seem to have that in common, at least. Chell has been as awkward and hesitant as her, her arms trembling every time she moves to scoop Caroline up despite the strength they both know she possesses. There is a spark in her eyes that Caroline doesn’t know if she should acknowledge, at least not yet. They have more important things to focus on.

Chell nudges her head to the side. _We have to get going._ Caroline nods in response, standing up from her spot against the wall. They’ve stopped to get their bearings in an abandoned control room after switching on the pump system for the Propulsion Gel. Caroline knows what’s coming next — she has a distant memory of the ’70s, an image that sharpens into something much clearer the longer she and Chell delve into the depths of the facility. Something in her is aching to address it, to tell Chell how deeply she suffered here, how she was no better off as a woman than as a machine. But what would that mean other than _pity me?_ The last thing she wants is sympathy. If Cave Johnson taught her anything it was that nothing good comes from feeling sorry for yourself.

So Caroline keeps her mouth shut. She bends to tie up the laces of her Aperture brand sneakers and resumes her position behind Chell as they set off.

And it is a long while before she has the energy to speak again. Chell is sharp and observant, surveying each test chamber with a careful eye. She treats her as something of an afterthought, which stings despite how hard Caroline tries to tell herself that it doesn’t matter. As strong as her rage may be, it has become increasingly difficult to direct it towards Chell. It almost seems like she left her hatred for this woman back inside the chassis. That would make a decent amount of sense, too, considering how easy it was for Wheatley to turn on her. They seemed to have had something of a friendship.

With the silence comes the continuous flood of memories. If she is not talking about them out loud, Caroline is left to make sense of them on her own in her mind, which verges on the feeling of physical pain. Hearing her old voice chirp eager little replies to her former boss sends chills up and down her body. If she thinks hard enough, which she desperately tries not to do, she can recall sitting across from him at his desk, signing release forms and budget proposals, making sure he stayed on topic when recording his messages to the test subjects. She remembers the skirts she would wear, the itchy wool against her thighs. And sliding her heels off underneath her desk in the hall, not needing to look any taller as long as she was hunched over a pile of paperwork. Little moments light up like fireworks in her brain and sizzle to nothing after a few paralyzing seconds of facing them. The words, _yes sir Mr. Johnson!_ linger on her lips.

Chell nudges her shoulder. _Hey._ They’re standing on a catwalk. Caroline can’t remember how they got there. Chell tilts her chin towards a secluded area that she’s managed to create an entrance to, and gently takes Caroline’s upper arm to steer her in the direction of one of her portals.

“No,” Caroline starts, but they’re already through the portals and headed towards a storage room. “We really don’t need to rest again, I’ll be alright,” Chell shakes her head slightly, a neutral expression on her face. She walks purposefully towards the room, lowering her portal gun and reaching to undo one of the straps on her boots. Caroline feels a twinge of embarrassment, but doesn’t see any logic in arguing. She watches Chell enter the room and glance around, making sure it’s safe. And she watches her go stock still at the sight of something on the far wall. The grip on her gun is so loose it looks like she may drop it, but she is too absorbed in whatever she’s looking at to notice. “What is it?” When she doesn’t make any effort to indicate a response, Caroline steps forward, coming up to Chell’s side and following her gaze.

Of course.

She should have known this was coming.

The portrait was a gift from a foreign investor, one of the last that was still hanging on after bankruptcy. Cave had insisted Caroline be a part of it. He had told her he would’ve felt like something was missing without her. And she was modest, initially, until the painter had posed them together, positioning Caroline above her boss like she was the one with the power all along. She thought Cave would be opposed, but he had grinned and agreed with enthusiasm. Told her that she was holding the company up anyway, why shouldn’t she be the one standing?

Chell is staring at her, rapt with attention, and it takes a moment for Caroline to realize that, not only has her entire memory been restored by the sight of the painting, but that she’s just said everything out loud.

“It used to be in his office,” she continues after a few seconds of silence. “But was moved down here after he died,” Caroline sighs. “I hated that dress. It made me look old.”

She tears her eyes away from the portrait, glancing around the rest of the room. It seems like the wreckage hasn’t reached this section of the lab. Everything looks preserved, covered in a thin layer of dust.

“You know,” she starts again. “I’m not trying to hide any of this from you. I don’t know if it seems that way, but I have no secrets anymore,” Chell turns to her, eyes wide. She looks like she desperately wants to say something. “I’ll tell you anything, Chell.”

Caroline runs a hand through her hair, wondering why she’s waiting for a response. She sits down underneath the painting, knees pulled up to her chest.

“I had nothing before I had this job.”

As she suspected, it is easier to speak her mind than to try staying silent. She, indeed, tells her everything she can think of to say. How the facility looked in all of its glory, the crowds of men in lab coats, always testing something, finding an answer. Her eagerness as a twenty-two-year-old college graduate, desperate for any new opportunity and for someone to just tell her she was smart. She tells her how the job started as a secretary, but as the years passed, she got smarter, finding ways to sneak into the labs and convince Cave to let her spend some time actually watching test subjects instead of just interviewing them.

And, because she has absolutely nothing to lose anymore, she tells her about the affair.

“It was unavoidable. We both just accepted that, at some point, it was going to happen. We worked _so well_ together, and he always knew exactly what to tell me. I felt like an addict — I knew it would hurt me, I knew it was stupid and irresponsible. And despite that, I just couldn’t stop. I think it was _because_ of that, in a way. I wanted to be hurt. But I didn’t love him. From the beginning, he had this possession over me that made it impossible to put my full trust in him. Chell, he was not a good man. He-” she stops, her voice shaking. Like she had done before, Chell touches her shoulder, looks into her eyes. She shakes her head. _You don’t have to tell me any more._ Caroline cannot do anything but stare at her.

They are closer than they have ever been before. Face to face.

Chell moves her hand, slides it down the length of Caroline’s arm until their hands are resting on top of each other. Her expression has changed from serious and calculating into something infinitely soft. She sits up, motioning for Caroline to turn around, who narrows her eyebrows, confused, but then watches Chell reach up and take down her ponytail. Holding the elastic in her fingers, she brushes Caroline’s hair back, pulls it up and ties it gently. Caroline feels Chell’s stuttered breaths on the back of her neck.

“Thank you.” she manages in an exhausted whisper. From over her shoulder, she sees Chell’s gaze flicker to the floor, her head shaking slowly. _No. Thank_ you.

They sleep together, back to back, beneath the portrait.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm back!!!! i'm so sorry for the long wait, this story is in no way abandoned! i went through a long, busy stretch at school, but i have another break right now so expect some more frequent updates! THANK YOU for the feedback, and if you ever want to chat, my tumblrs are @saygoodbyecaroline (portal content only) and @ammydos (main). see you (hopefully) soon!


	6. Chapter 6

_“You’ve somehow gotten worse at this.”_

_Her voice is dripping with malice as usual, and Chell can feel it in her bones. Her whole body shudders from exhaustion, her nose dripping blood onto the pristine tile below. It’s one of the restored chambers, everything clean and cold like she remembers from before. There is a line of turrets placed strategically at the exit door, and the drop to the ground from where she stands is so steep that it makes her stomach churn._

_And she is just sick of it. Everything. The running and cloudiness in her head. Blurry vision, chattering teeth, she’s drenched in sweat so thoroughly that her tank top doesn’t even look white anymore._

_“I’m serious. Is there something wrong with you? Well. Besides the obvious, of course.”_

_Chell feels no shame as she drags herself to the far corner of the ledge, curling up in a secluded spot with her knees to her chest. She shudders, staring blankly ahead at the bare machinery that peeks through the panels on the wall. Breathe in. Breathe out. The turrets cannot see you here. But the moment is shattered by the slow whirring of a camera as it swivels to look Chell in the eye. The optic shrinks and seems to zoom in on her face, taking in all of the blood and grime. Chell feels a single, furious tear trace itself down her cheek and quickly raises a fist to wipe it away, hoping She cannot tell the difference between sadness and sweat._

_“Oh, come on, I don’t have time for theatrics. Finish the test.”_

_It is different this time around. There is a new energy that surges between the two of them. Chell has killed Her, and now, has watched Her come back to life. And She is smarter now, angrier, more compelled to get what She wants. And it’s satisfying to put up a fight, sometimes, but right now, all she wants to do is sleep, wait for the blood to dry before any more is spilled. There is an indescribable pain that comes with being Her test subject. An ugly hybrid of every negative emotion that Chell has ever known._

_Her hair has come loose out of its ponytail and sticks to her sweaty neck. She shakes her head. No. Often, she wishes it were easier to make a sound because there is nothing she would like to do more than scream._

_“You’re being dramatic, you know.”_

_The tone of Her voice has become vastly darker. It scares her, though she hates to admit it, how quickly She can switch between bored and completely furious. Killing Her has only revealed some of Her power; some of Her rage. Chell knows that She is capable of plenty more, and has a sinking feeling that she may never make it out of here alive._

_But is that even the goal?_

_She tucks her head between her knees, arms folding over herself, hands moving to cover her ears. Feedback crackles through the test chamber._

_“Get up.”_

_The smooth, electronic growl sets Chell’s nerves on fire. And she is still shaking, but knowing that she has made Her angry is enough to lift her head up from her arms. She sets her jaw and stares into the lens of the camera._

_“Get up, Chell. Get up.”_

“Chell—”

Caroline is sitting back on her heels, and Chell blinks rapidly in the artificial light of the storage room, pulled out of something she cannot determine as a dream or a memory. 

“We have to get out of here. The explosions are getting louder on the upper level.” As if on cue, a steady rumbling fills the room. Caroline glances away from Chell, looking panicked, and a shower of dust falls from the ceiling as everything around them shakes. 

Once it is quiet again, Caroline stands. 

“Look, I can’t let him get away with this anymore. And I can’t be—” her eyes flicker to the painting on the wall. Chell is pulled back into her story from a few hours ago, how transparent she had suddenly become as soon as she was faced with a physical memory of her past. Chell is still trying to make sense of all of it. She had told her quite a bit but seemed to lose her confidence when it came to her relationship with Cave. Chell suspects there is far more to the story than just an affair. The way her voice shook when she talked about him and the sadness written all over her face — it seems to be a sensitive subject, to say the very least. 

“I just have to get out of here, okay?” Caroline continues, and then turns to lift something from one of the dust-covered boxes in the corner of the room. “I found these while you were asleep,” she watches in surprise as Caroline holds out a pair of faded orange boots, very similar to the ones Chell is wearing. They look heavier, though, with thicker braces and an awkward, seemingly uncomfortable shape. “I recognize them as one of the earlier prototypes. They should work, but I’m not sure if I’ll be able to fall quite as far as you.” 

Chell nods in response, and Caroline bends to slip her sneakers off and replace them with the boots. She stands a little unsteadily, reminding Chell of when they first fell down the elevator shaft and she couldn’t even support her own weight. 

Once Chell has gotten her portal gun, they set outside of the storage room and back through the hallway. Caroline lifts her hands to adjust her ponytail, pulling it tight against her head. The portrait truly doesn’t do her justice. Now that her hair is out of her face, Chell notices how striking her features are — the high cheekbones and elegant curve of her long nose. Her eyes glitter in the light of their next test chamber as she takes in the scene, and Chell feels an unfamiliar warmth settle itself in the pit of her stomach. 

Despite the way the boots seem to swallow half her legs, Caroline walks with a little more confidence. Chell moves her hand to the back of her own head, running her fingers through her hair. She can’t remember the last time she’s had it down. It feels strange, more feminine than she’s used to, but she thinks she can adjust. 

This test chamber seems like a continuation of the last one. Chell notices the date _1972_ stamped in faded lettering onto the side of the wall, right next to the numbers _02_ that show they’ve only made it to the second test. Her heart sinks a little bit, and she tries not to let her discouragement show too clearly on her face, as Caroline has resumed her careful observation of Chell’s movements. 

She solves the test easily, placing a vibrant trail of orange Propulsion Gel over the length of the ground, with a small patch of Repulsion Gel at the end to propel the two of them through a portal and to the opposite end of the chamber where the Emancipation Grill lies. Chell gears herself up to jump but realizes that Caroline isn’t near her, still rooted to her spot by the entrance of the chamber. Chell narrows her eyes at her, motions down to her boots, and then to the path of gel. 

“I _know,_ ” Caroline says, a hint of indignation in her voice. “Don’t you think we should test them first before I hurl my body miles into the air?” 

Scowling, Chell stalks over to the opposite end of the chamber, shooting one portal onto the ground and another on a high spot on the wall. She looks back to Caroline expectantly, who swears softly under her breath as she moves to the first portal. 

“Don’t look at me like that. In case you forgot, I’m not exactly used to any of this.” Though her eyes flash with anger, she takes a breath and, after a moment, plunges through the portal, falling out the other side and landing unsteadily on her feet. The clang of metal on metal rings sharply through the chamber. Chell moves towards the gel dispensers, arranging more portals so Caroline can test the effects before she makes the bigger jump. 

Once there is a smaller patch of Propulsion Gel and portals on either side of the walls, Chell stands back and motions to Caroline, pretending to run at one of the portals. Caroline nods slowly, looking hesitant. Chell watches her reach up to adjust her hair again, and then she breaks into a run, sliding a little clumsily across the gel, gathering momentum as she glides through both portals. Chell watches the way she moves, waits until she’s gained control over her movements and adapted to the speed. Then she shoots another portal from the ceiling. Caroline falls through it and slams downward, her boots colliding with the metal grating as she lands in a low crouch, palms pressed onto the ground to steady herself. It is a much cleaner landing than her first one, and Chell sees her try and fail to hide a smile. 

“That felt good,” she says as she stands. “It seems like they’re working fine.” Chell can’t help but smile back, and she gives her a thumbs up before pointing back towards the test and tilting her head. _Ready?_ “I think so,” Caroline sets her jaw, and Chell watches as she stares down into the water below them. Chell meets her eyes, pointing to the water and shaking her head roughly. “Yes, don’t look down, I’ve got it. Go ahead, I’m right behind you.” 

Chell runs with no hesitation and jumps up at the edge of the platform, flying through the portals and landing soundly on the catwalk by the exit. Though the air is far from fresh, she likes feeling a breeze on her face. 

Caroline comes through the portals a few seconds later, practically colliding into Chell, gripping her shoulders to steady them both. Chell bristles under her touch, skin prickling as Caroline’s hands linger, squeezing down onto Chell’s tensed muscles. 

“Sorry,” she breathes. Chell turns her head slightly to look back at her, and Caroline’s eyes widen suddenly as she tears her hands away. “Um. We should keep moving.” 

" _If you're interested in an additional sixty dollars, flag down a test associate and let 'em know. You could walk out of here with a hundred and twenty weighing down your bindle if you let us take you apart, put some science stuff in you, then put you back together good as new._ "

“Hm,” Caroline’s expression turns thoughtful at the sound of the next recording. She still looks a little strained, like it’s difficult to listen to, and Chell can tell she’s reliving something. “That did not go over well.” She waits for her to elaborate, but Caroline falls silent again. 

Now that they’re able to properly work together, the test goes much smoother. It’s tedious, but Chell has more or less caught on to Cave Johnson’s methods. Caroline is smart, which is no surprise, and follows Chell’s silent instructions almost thankfully, as though she likes being told what to do. Her face is getting a little easier to read, though her emotional state is still unpredictable, to say the least. But the use of the boots seems to have given her some autonomy, and they are both grateful for it. 

When they land side by side in the front of the elevator, Chell decides that she can hold up her end of the deal a little bit longer. Maybe all she needed was some companionship, to be observed by someone just as vulnerable as her. Maybe the world is not ending after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi everyone!! im officially done with finals, so im excited to focus back on my non-academic writing! i apologize if this chapter seems a little tedious, the girls are almost out of the basement and they'll be back up to wheatley soon, don't worry :)  
> also - THANK YOU for 100 kudos!!! i had no idea people would enjoy this story so much, so it really means a lot! more to come very soon!


	7. Chapter 7

It is the wind on her face that does it. The way the rush of air seems to engulf her entire body in a cocoon. It takes her somewhere, makes her feel young again. And the memory stays with her for the entirety of the next test, so strong that she feels like she is only half-awake.

After work, she used to drive. Not back to her apartment, but down the long, poorly paved road across the street from the facility. And she would wipe her lipstick off on a tissue and smoke a cigarette and stick her hand out the car window, watch the fields of wheat roll by and pretend that if she reached far enough, she could touch them.

And she feels her eyes closing, and hears the crackling sound of a car radio, tastes waxy lipstick … and then Chell is grabbing her, closing her hand around the upper part of her arm like she’s done before.

They’ve been in the elevator, and Caroline hasn’t noticed that she’s been leaning against the side, clutching the railing so hard that her knuckles are white. A recording is triggered as they walk out, and Caroline makes no effort to extract her arm from Chell’s grip, finding some comfort in the familiar touch. They walk shoulder to shoulder down a catwalk and through a doorway into what Caroline vaguely recognizes as a testing lobby. The floor is made up of mustard yellow tile, an off-putting splash of color against the bleak loneliness that surrounds them. She shivers.

She has stopped associating his face so closely with his voice, forcing herself to focus more on where she was and what she was doing at the time he was recording a message. And she can’t say it is helping much, but it is better than thinking directly of him.

This time, she remembers sitting at the far corner of his desk, scribbling out drafts for a revised employee contract. They were on the brink of introducing mandatory testing for all permanent staff because the company had sunk so low that they could barely even recruit the homeless.

And that was the day that he used his coat to shield her from the rain when they left work together. She remembers the way he led her to her car, brushed a strand of her hair out of her face, and she had reached up and kissed him for the first time in months. She had missed the taste of his mouth, the feel of his stubble against her cheek. The way he gripped her against his chest like she would disappear if he let go.

Well. So much for not thinking about him.

They portal up to a catwalk together, Chell once again walking with undisturbed confidence. Her eyes scan their surroundings with a laser focus as they’re led into the vast, open space of the facility once again. She has let go of Caroline and is gripping her gun in both hands, shoulders pushed back. Caroline cannot help but notice the muscles in Chell’s arms and the way her tank-top sinks low enough to reveal her collarbones. But she catches herself staring and looks away quickly, following Chell’s gaze instead to a doorway up and to their right, which a sign in front of them designates as “Pump Station Gamma.”

And just like that, the previous memory is gone out of her mind and replaced with something infinitely more violent. Caroline feels her chest tighten. Her career was certainly messy, but the 1980s are something she would like to forget more than anything else. Aperture had been steadily losing money for 15 years prior, but the few years before Cave’s death were some of the worst she lived through. She withdrew herself, leaving him to his own devices, and now it dawns on her how many messages he must have recorded alone in his office. Messages that she will surely hear if they cross into the next section of the facility. But she knows that it will lead them to a way out, and she’s done trying to keep herself protected if it means regaining control of what is rightfully hers. She shares a look of understanding with Chell, and then follows her through a portal into the next section of their journey.

She can’t remember spending much of her time in the control rooms. The decline of her career was filled with hours and hours of test subject observation. Those were the years that people gave her the begrudging respect that she had worked so hard for before. And maybe it was because her boss was dying more than anything else, and they all knew that she hadn’t left his side for decades. It seemed like they were trying to compensate for what was to come more than anything, but she pretended that it was because they finally recognized her value.

Chell wastes no time, stalking down the hallway into a control booth and switching on all three of the gel controls. The pumps behind them activate at an alarming speed, but Chell meticulously places portals and manages to get them on track to navigate through a section of offices. This area is more preserved than the parts of the facility that they’ve explored previously, looking like the employees just stood up and left one day, abandoning everything, pressing pause.

She wishes it had been that easy.

_“Welcome to the enrichment center,”_

It takes all the strength Caroline can muster to keep walking. The boots suddenly feel considerably heavier on her feet, like she’s being pulled a few inches into the ground with every step.

" _Since making test participation mandatory for all employees, the quality of our test subjects has risen dramatically. Employee retention, however, has not,_ "

Chell looks back at Caroline with raised eyebrows, but her mind feels like it’s frozen in time and she cannot manage to form a coherent explanation to what Cave has just said.

_“As a result, you may have heard we're gonna phase out human testing. There's still a few things left to wrap up, though._ _The bean counters told me we literally could not afford to buy seven dollars worth of moon rocks, much less seventy million. Bought 'em anyway. Ground 'em up, mixed em into a gel. And guess what? Ground up moon rocks are pure poison. I am deathly ill.”_

Chell stops walking. They’ve reached another portrait, but Cave is the only one in it. Caroline glances away towards the floor, unable to look even a painted version of him in the eye. The rest of the message plays out, and then they stand together in silence. Again, she attempts to speak, but cannot. Chell turns her head again to look towards Caroline, taking her eyes off the painting as well. She seems irritated, waiting for some kind of explanation to what has been revealed to her, but Caroline is still dreading what else is to come and remains completely speechless.

Chell huffs and continues walking, searching the different rooms to find something to move them forward. Caroline keeps standing, rooted to the spot, chin tipped down towards the floor. She’s terrified, now, that this is it for her, that she has reached the point that is too much to bear, and Chell will have no choice but to leave her here. She wonders how it used to be so easy to swallow her rage, to become a different woman as soon as she stepped inside that elevator — one that felt nothing.

And she wants to sob, she can feel it building up in her chest, but her eyes stay dry. The feeling is all too familiar, painfully so, and Caroline fights her mind’s urge to drag her into another stream of memories. Her body trembles with such an intensity that the whole room feels like it is shaking again.

But suddenly, the sound of boots on tile startles her back into the present, and she looks up in shock to Chell’s face, which is wracked with fear. They stare at each other for a long moment, and Caroline realizes that she must look terrible. It dawns on her that a larger amount of time has passed than she had thought. Chell has set her portal gun down out of sight, something Caroline has not seen her do before. She looks like she desperately wants to speak, but instead, she reaches out and takes Caroline’s hands in hers, squeezing hard. Her expression has shifted into something sympathetic. It is not pity, but there is still an edge of concern, and Caroline exhales a shaky breath and squeezes back, not breaking Chell’s gaze. Something in the clear blue of her eyes grounds her, forces her to find herself again.

Then Chell reaches up and takes a strand of hair that has loosened from Caroline’s ponytail and tucks it back into place. She nods, satisfied, and then turns into the hallway and starts walking towards the exit doors. Stunned, Caroline follows.

They avoid each other’s eyes in the elevator, and Chell hurries ahead of her once they are placed inside of the next test.

The Conversion Gel has most likely lost its toxicity after being contained underground for so many years, so Caroline doesn’t hesitate to get up close to it. She never really had the chance to oversee the human trials with this, she was too busy reworking their budgets to try to salvage some extra funding. That and feeding her boss pills and whiskey to keep him sated enough to run the company. This is what she failed to tell Chell, and somehow it has become easier to think about after being touched by her. Caroline never tested. She was kept behind the glass with a clipboard in her hands. Cave made sure that she stayed fresh and pretty and completely unharmed. Little did he know, he was the source of all of her suffering. But he never would have acknowledged that even if she had screamed it in his face. And, she almost laughs as she recalls, she had done exactly that. But it had been a strange conversation … What had he been asking her?

The memory clouds over again before she can put her finger on it, and she shakes her head and walks over to Chell to help her complete the test.

They exit through a set of doors, Cave’s voice switching on again. It is heavy with sickness, almost pathetic to hear, but easier to stomach with Chell standing close by Caroline’s side. Though, the longer he speaks, the more Caroline can hear the passion, the fire. For just a moment, she lets herself remember him when he was younger, opening herself up to a whirlwind of memories of working late together, stealing glances at him from across his desk, smelling his cologne on herself even after she was at home in her bed.

And then the recording switches off, and she looks at Chell, bringing herself back to the present. They cross into a building marked _1982._

The room opens up into a vast, vertical climb, and Chell seems to find a solution fast, placing portals high and low to build up enough momentum to boost them to the top. Caroline feels exceedingly thankful for her boots as she is able to perform the jumps on her own, following closely after Chell. They fly smoothly through the air together, and she can’t help but smile a little at the fact that they’re working together. Maybe they stand a chance against Wheatley after all.

They take a break about three-quarters of the way up the shaft, standing together on a catwalk. Chell glances upwards, starting to map out their next plan of action, but the crackle of feedback stops her in her tracks.

_“Artificial Intelligence. We should have been working on it thirty years ago. I will say this - and I'm gonna say it on tape so everybody hears it a hundred times a day: If I die before you people can pour me into a computer, I want Caroline to run this place,_ "

She’s never heard this one before.

" _Now she'll argue. She'll say she can't. She's modest like that. But you_ make _her,_ "

Chell is pale, wide-eyed. Her gun lies forgotten on the catwalk.

" _Hell, put her in my computer. I don't care,_ "

She should have known something like this was coming. But no amount of premonition could have prepared her for it, anyway. Cave announces the end of the test, and then the recording shuts off. Something tells Caroline that this is the last of them.

“Well,” she starts, one hand gripping the railing of the catwalk. “I told you this wasn’t going to be easy, didn’t I?” It takes everything in her power to steady her voice, yet her words still have an edge to them. “I _knew,_ Chell. He had asked me before. I refused him again and again, but —”

The look on Chell’s face stops her, and it dawns on her that she’s gotten something completely wrong.

“Did you think I _wanted this?”_ And for the first time, Caroline watches Chell’s lips move as she mouths the word, _yes._ No sound comes out, but it chills her all the same. “Of _course_ not. I had spent years trying to make myself seen. I gave everything _but_ my life to this company, and he still expected me to die in his place. And maybe if I truly loved him, I would have. But that is not the kind of person I wanted to be. My body was stolen from me, Chell. And maybe, once it was all over, once he was dead and once he took me with him, I felt a sense of relief. Because at least I finally had the power that I had worked my entire life for. But then they made me _stupid,”_ Caroline tries to stop it, but her voice changes as she speaks into something heavy with anger. “They silenced me just like they did when I worked side by side with them. And even after I left them to die, after I finally thought that I could exist in peace, I was reduced to _this,_ ” she spits, gesturing at her body. “So _no._ I did not make any of these choices myself, but I am making a choice right now. We are going to get back to Wheatley, and we are going to make him pay for what he did to both of us. I know what betrayal feels like, Chell. And I know the only thing that eases that pain,”

Caroline picks up Chell’s gun, clutching it tightly in her hands. Chell makes no move to stop her, staring hard.

“Revenge.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and we're back!! hope you enjoyed this longer chapter & sorry for the lack of dialogue .. but we all know that chell isn't too keen on speaking :) i promise chapter 8 will feature wheatley, so the wait is almost over!! thank you all again for your continued support of this story, and a reminder that my portal-related tumblr is @saygoodbyecaroline! i have been posting some mini-fics lately as well as answering asks, so come say hi! see you soon for another long chapter!


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